New Wine

I must say that God surely has his way to speak to my heart to let me live again.



It all started at FOP last saturday with the amazing worship by True Worshipers Band from Indonesia. Followed by an amazing dissection of The return of the Prodigal Son by Mark Connor. But it was really Mark Connor's message on Unity - The Power of Agreement that really spoke to my heart on Sunday morning.

I believe it was what God wanted me to hear. I was ministered to and when i responded to the altar call, I felt so set free! It was just amazing how one thing led to another that resulted in Lisa and I attending that service in Riverlife that morning. Thanks to lisa for informing me!

So I started practising what was preached that morning and yes, things started to change positively! Just by making a concious effect to listen and understand. Things even started to change with Ryan too, even though that was unrelated.

I guess what i'm trying to say is that, things in my life started to move. Change, that's what we want:)

Anyway, now i'm down with the flu and most prob h1n1 cos I was in contact with a positive case. I also Thank God for this. Sounds weird, but yeah since now i'm forced to stay home wear a mask and not go around and spread this flu, I've had time to read!!! I've been thinking alot about what are my career options so i've finished reading a Career guide and did lots of research on the net. Still undecided, but i still have time:) Might consider being an air steward and see the world before embarking on a real career hmm...

I've also finished reading a book on advice for recording guitars. My conclusion, I lack funds to fund equipment for my recording projects. It was still a good read though.

Pray i recover in time to celebrate NDP, one of my uncles booked a room at Ritz Carlton to see NDP live this Sunday! If i don't recover by then, it could really be stay home sunday for me....

Back to reading....

Shit of life

Somehow in this mess we call life, I've once again lost my inner most motivations.

I've lost the passion, the drive, I feel I'm limping thru life half-hearted.

Well done.


No longer was I motivated to set out to complete all i've planned to achieve this holidays.

I just can't be bothered anymore, somehow.

I've been wounded. But the ones who have wounded me think it just and fair.

Is it really?

It's always about their point of perspective and shutting out mine.

And they think they can continue doing shit like this and shove it under the rug.

And nothing will happen?

They've no idea what they're destroying.

My heart might never return.

NUS RUN 2009 IS HERE!!!!

Hi Guys! NUS RUN 2009 is here. Do sign up early to get the Early Bird Discount!

I'm looking at doing the Men's Open 12km or a Competitive Mixed Team. Brothers & Sisters, let me know if you're interested!

Categories

1 Competitive Individual Run

The total distance covered by this category is 12 km. Men’s NUS and Women’s NUS are open only to NUS staff and students.

2 Competitive Mixed Team

Each team should comprise of 2 male and 2 female participants. A team’s final timing is calculated as the sum of each of the 4 individual participant’s timing. To qualify as an NUS team, at least 2 NUS staff or students should be participating.

3 Fun Run/Walk

A distance of 5 km will be covered in this category. Discounted price is only applicable to NUS staff and students.

Rates as below

Feet pounding pavement, heart racing, heavy breathing, music blasting.

I must say again, how much i love running.

It's the time I truly have to myself, time to think through the day.

Time to let either Parachute or Vineyard to minister to my soul.

I really suspect if I ran a correlational study on my positive affect with my running frequency that week,

The result will be a pretty strong positive correlation.


On a side note,

Winning the War Within by Charles Stanley is a really good book.

Of many books i've read, I think this book confronts boldly the inconsistencies in our lives.

It's very real, and very scriptural.

Mind blowing perspective.

Get your hands on it!

Complicity....

So I accuse my accusers.... and in the exchange of fire.....

I realise that I may not be without complicity as well...

So in the end, my righteousness turned out to be filthy rags.

How fitting a phrase.

Alas, all had failed. I have nothing to say.


Time to reflect deeply.

Something i've neglected in a long while.

I can't change them, though they'll try.

But i should change first, so God help me.

To give me to courage to change the things I can,

the serenity to accept the things i cannot change.

And the wisdom to know the difference...

Amen.

Demands... Demands.... Demands.......

The demands made upon my time and energy is simply amazing.

Some people only talk about doing things,

some, are the ones making the sacrifices and doing the things,

while those who talk, criticise.

Apparently those who are still trying to figure their life out are making all the demands.

Yes, i'm venting here.


They only come to take, take of my time and energy and not to give.

We all have to help them run their lives, but do not I have my own life and aspirations to lead?

What a potent combination of learned helplessness and mediocrity.

Knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.

I must say the latter part of the verse is a high calling.

I'm still trying, but please don't make it harder for me than it already is!

Life after Exams...

was totally not what I expected..... not for a moment....

It was neither liberating, enjoyable nor fulfilling.

I apologise if i seem to choke a little when people say "oh you not working ah, wah.... enjoying yourself at home is it?"

Because there is not a single wee tinge of happiness that associated with this holidays..

And I've not blogged for such a long darn time, cos i've simply nothing good to say.

It seems, that just because I've a 3 months break, i'm supposed to look like i'm enjoying myself...

Looks like things don't really work that way for me... how i wish it did.


Yes, there are elements in this break money can buy that "are supposed" to bring some happiness to oneself

eg. Nice movies and buffets.

But really, i find them to be instead, instruments of distraction that bring one some kind of temporarily relief

This relief ends, once the activity ends. Get the picture?


Family problems are really tiresome, and i would say, results of accumulated CN disease as Victor would call it, by many parties.

They're neither staightforward, nor conclusive and yet involve years and years of history.

Gross, disgusting.

I can't go into details here, but absorbing all this history is really more than i can bear sometimes.

It's emotionally draining, and i'm damn bloody darn tired of this whole messy business of nothing but lies and shit

produced by exactly the ones who profess their great love for the family.

Their love, is shallow and empty.

And the turmoil and pressure they produce in our lives are intense & stressful.

They slander & they bitch & curse according to the tides of their emotion.

Never mind that you're family, it seems that it means little to them.

Yet they sleep well at night.

And others suffer from lack of sleep carrying this intense load of burdens.

Others put their lives on hold just to help them carry their burdens.

Where is the justice?

When and how will all this end?

I don't have all the answers, but it definitely must end before school reopens.

END.


oh, and did i mention that this is only one aspect of the huge family fallout?